Whiskey, Wellness, and Wisdom

with Matthew Bachman

Not wellness blog would be complete without touching on yoga briefly. I never really had any interest in yoga myself, however, I recently joined a new gym and saw that yoga classes were one of the many programs that were included in my membership. I felt a bit obligated to at least try it out and maybe meet some new and interesting people.

When I arrived, there was already a line of women waiting to be let into the class. I was the only guy, which was enough to make me feel like an outsider, but couple that with the fact that all these women had their personal yoga mats and here I was empty handed, and I honestly just wanted turn around and leave.

As time passed and more people lined up, I eyed them all up individually to see if I was the only one without a his own yoga mat. Most of them did, but there were a couple of people that did, which made me feel a little better. But of course, I was still the only guy.

When class was let in, I picked a spot towards the back, but not all the way back – this way I would be able to copy my moves based on what others were doing and I was still close enough to the mirror to see just how much I was embarrassing myself. SPOILERS: It was bad.

I don’t even know where those boxes came from.

Now, I’ve never been the most flexible guy in the world, but I at least used to be able to reach down and touch the floor without bending my knees. Yoga taught me years of picking things up and putting them back down cripples your flexibility in ways I wasn’t even aware of. On one hand, I was mildly impressed at how awkward my mildly muscular physiche looked trying to perform those yoga poses. On the other hand, I looked like more of an idiot than I usually do.

By the end of of the hour long yoga session, I was sweating profusely. It was a much better workout than I anticipated. I have to hand it to those ladies in my class, they made it look easy. After class, the yoga instructor asked me if I’d be coming back and I was honestly at a loss for words – that’s really nothing new for me, I’m always at a loss for words in social settings. I told her that I work a lot (which is the truth) and wasn’t sure when I’d be back.

Is yoga for me? It’s too early to tell. That would be like an alcoholic going to their first AA meeting and deciding right there on the spot that whiskey wasn’t for them. All I’m saying is that if whiskey existed 2,000 years ago, Jesus would’ve been turning water into that shit.

“And then the Lord said to Peter, ‘I tell you, not to drink whiskey seven times a day, but seventy-seven times.'”

I definitely plan on revisiting this yoga class in the near future. I may grow to enjoy it and might even buy my own yoga mat. Who knows, I may even grow out a man-bun and and start wearing tye-dye shirts; then my transformation will be complete. In the meantime, I’ll keep picking things up and putting them back down, for that is where my true passion lies in the world of fitness.

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