Whiskey, Wellness, and Wisdom

with Matthew Bachman

It’s that time of year again. When we all gather with our family and friends to gather around the television and watch the Dallas Cowboys not be in the Super Bowl for the 24th year in a row (don’t worry, with Jason Garrett out and Mike McCarthy in as new head coach, our time is coming). The Super Bowl brings in a plethora of viewers from all over the country. Most I would say are watching to see the Kansas City Chiefs stomp the living shit out of the 49ers, while others tune in just to see the witty commercials (man, that Tom Brady commercial had me) and then there’s the ones that want to see J. Lo and Shakira gyrating their hips all over that stage.

To me, J. Lo and Shakira are, yet again, another weird choice in a long list of weird choices to play at the Super Bowl Half-Time Show. Apparently the NFL thinks that nothing says raw masculinity like having a couple pop idols up on stage singing about her hips. Of course, this is also brought to you by the same guys that flag a linebacker if he even looks at Tom Brady the wrong way. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with J. Lo and Shakira; they both have a pretty vocals and are great dancers.

Man, those hips really don’t lie.

However, as a longtime football watcher, I’ve always felt betrayed by the NFL for choosing such pop icons to perform at the half-time show. Most of the people I know that watch football listen to rock music or heavy metal. We’re talking about a spectator sport where guys get paid to beat the living hell out of each other; you can’t get much more metal than that. Let’s get Iron Maiden, Metalica, or Disturbed out there, not The Black Eyed Peas!

I felt like I needed to be put in concussion protocol after seeing that half-time show.

Having said all of this, it wasn’t the worst half-time show I’ve seen, but let’s face reality, the bar has been set extremely low. The music selection was good and the dance choreography was top notch. Though it wasn’t what I wanted from a Super Bowl Half-Time Show performance, it was OK and fell somewhere between Paul McCartney and Lady Gaga status. It certainly appealed to the hormonal teenage boy be in me. I found Shakira’s performance to be especially erotic and spotlight stealing. J. Lo did alright, but I’ve always had a soft (or hard) spot for Shakira (Whenever, Wherever has always been a guilty pleasure of mine).

I’m going to hold on to the hope that one day I’ll see Iron Maiden out there rocking it out to break-up the beat down the Dallas Cowboys are putting on the New England Patriots, but I’m not going to hold my breath. I’m not going to lose sleep over it, either. If having a pop idol out there singing their little unimaginative 4 chord song brings in the viewers, then more power to the NFL. Maybe the XFL will cater more to the heavier side of the music spectrum.

“Pucker up, Black Eyed Peas, it’s tome to apologize.”

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